Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 147

Deana didn't answer. Instead, she got on her knees and leaned across him, out his window. "Whatdah you want?" She pushed the red button on the order board.

"Chocolate shake and fries,' he said, fighting the urge to lift his hand, so it could accidentally on purpose touch any part of the body that was bridged over his.

"We'll have a chocolate shake, banana split with fudge, and a large French fries, please."

Banana split, shit, how am I going to have a serious conversation while she sucks fudge off a phallic fruit? Evan didn't try. He looked around the parking lot, picked crud out of the cup holder and waited for their order. When it came, he watched Deana turn sideways and fold her legs Indian Style, then he handed her the sundae, still not sure how to start.

Deana picked up a split banana with her thumb and index finger, pinky finger extended, and sucked the fruit clean, then she licked her lips. Fuck talking he thought and continued to watch his sister's mouth while she enjoyed her ice cream. It was impossible not to imagine Deana and Rebecca making out, but it wasn't helping him think about what to say.

Deana licked her spoon and asked, "What's on your mind?"

That was his opening, now all he had to do was tell her what happened without telling her, so she could tell him what to say to their mother. Jeez, that shouldn't be too hard. "You ever had a secret? I mean a major secret, one that you think you'll never share with anyone, no matter what." Where is this going, he wondered.

Deana only nodded, so he dipped fries in his shake and waited, knowing there was more. Four spoonfuls of ice cream later, she said, "I suppose so

"Would it feel better if you could tell someone?"

Deana squinted an eye and tipped her head to the side. "Why, you got something you need to tell me?"

"Maybe," he said, "but what's yours?"

"I guess it's not anymore because you know, but when it happened. when I kissed Rebecca, I was scared because liked it so much. I think I felt better after I told you."

Is there something else, something that you don't want to tell me?"

"Promise you'll never tell?"

"Of course."

She leaned over and put her lips close to his ear. "Kissing you scares me for the same reason. Now, what's your secret?"

Evan knew his sister's diversionary tactics, but he had some of his own. "It's serious."

"I told you mine"

"It's hard to tell anyone this."

"I'm not anyone, Evan, I'm me."

Yes, yes you are, but it's embarrassing."

"So."

Here goes, he thought. "I did have a crush on mom. You know, when she was our babysitter."

"How is that a big secret? I just told you that."

"I mean it was serious. I pretended I was the daddy, Gloria's Daddy"

"Not surprising," Deana said. "Candy treated you like her little prince, and she's hot. Why wouldn't you? That's why I told you not to worry about Gloria. You got over it."

His cheeks flushed with anger when his sister compared his love to a silly kid's crush. "I didn't...didn't have to, she married dad, sol had to turn my feelings off."

Deana stared into his eyes with her hand on his. "Oh, Evan, you were really in love with her. I'm sorry, so sorry. She squeezed his hand and clenched her jaw.

"Yeah, I guess I was, then she married dad. How fucked up is that? Jeez, how stupid I was."

"That's not stupid." Deana handed him a napkin, "I think she loved you, too, and she seemed happier...we were happier, then."

I was just a kid and she was-

"A kid, she was a fuckin' kid, too," Deana said. "The only reason she seemed so much older was because we had to listen to her. She was the babysitter, but we were all growing up together. She was our big sister until he-"

"Shh, don't say it, please don't say it again." Evan hid his face in his hands, but his jerking body gave away the fact that he was sobbing. How much was he supposed to take? First, their mother died, then his first love had been stolen from him, but he still had to live with her, and force himself to love her the way his father told him to. Is that why he fell in love with his twin sister or would that have happened anyway? It didn't matter because he forced himself not to love Deana that way. All that love, what was he supposed to do with all his love? "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Yes, yes you should have, and don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong!"

Evan wiped his face on his arm and looked at his sister. Her face was tight and a vein pulsed in the middle of her forehead. "What's wrong?"

"You would have made a better father than- Deana stopped herself and looked away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that

"It's okay, Dee, you can tell me...anything."

"Didn't she seem happier then, before?"

Deana's anger combined with his and turned into fury. "Weren't we all? What happen? Why would she-fuck"

"What choice did she have?"

"She, ah, she could have-"

"No, think about it, imagine I'm pregnant." Deana straightened up.

"I'd rather not."

"But she was, and she was younger than I am now. I can't imagine that, and I'd have you, mom and Rebecca to help me. Who did she have? Her family? They never even called her. If they weren't going to help her with Gloria, what fuckin' choice did she have?" Deana shook him. "She was just a kid...trapped, and he took her away from- His sister punched him.